Today, I am going to let some "cats out of the bag" so to speak. ;O) After all, we all need to know from time to time that there is a human being behind all of these words. If you would like to read my testimony, you can read it here.
A Look into My Childhood
Well, I must say, not much really happened in my childhood, so to speak. I was an extremely "high needs" baby, I cried for the first six months of my life to no avail. As a toddler, I was very assertive...nobody stepped on my toes without me letting them know it! :OP I carried a pillow around that I sucked on, yes, sucked on...YUCK! Finally my mother took it away, because when an offender stepped on my feelings, I whacked them good and hard with my nasty, wet pillow!
I stayed pretty ornery most of my preschool years. I wouldn't be comforted when my feelings were hurt and I never let anything that anyone said about me bother me, or so that's the impression that I gave. Sometimes, I would just bump into someone just because I was jealous...mostly around the age of 4 or 5, I wasn't very nice sometimes. Thankfully, I grew out of that stage by the time I was in first grade or so...they also spanked you if you were mean when I was in school, so I learned to behave.
As a grade school student, I had several friends...at that time we were all friends. It wasn't until high school that the cliques began. I always tried to be nice, even if not everyone was nice to me. I remember as a freshman in high school, when I was a cheerleader, the first time that I realized that I didn't really fit in with the cheer leading crowd. We were at cheer leading camp, and at that time my mother let me wear make-up. It took me a looooonnnggg time to put on make-up, about 30 minutes at that time. I remember one morning, when several of the other girls were running into my room while I was applying my make-up. Soon I realized that they were timing me! It was a cruel joke, and set me back for a few minutes...but I shook it off, I never let anyone know how I really felt.
Past to Present
High school passed, and I went on to college to earn my degree in art. My first couple of years were my rebellious years, I tried drinking...didn't like it, got involved with someone seriously only to realize that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. God rescued me from that relationship. I was living a lie to others around me, making them think I was just a good "Christian" girl.
<---Somewhere along here, I found Christ, or He found me--->
I repented and soon met my husband. He, too, had his mistakes which only helped our relationship. Our eyes were opened to the lies about relationships; like it was okay to kiss, hold hands, and go out alone on dates because that didn't lead to anything...we knew better, and we didn't allow it in our relationship until we were betrothed. Even then, we were very careful so that we didn't taint our relationship before marriage.
I graduated from college, and he stayed another year. That was the hardest year of our lives! We had established, in college, daily devotions and prayer time--together--apart, we lost all of that. Exactly one year after we met, September 16, 1995, he proposed. I was awestruck! I thought we were going to wait a couple of years to marry, but he proposed early! I was thrilled and of course, I said "YES!!!"
Marriage was a new experience, we had our trials and soon learned that we were expecting! Our first son arrived in July of 1997, our second in January of 1999....then my first devastating miscarriage on December 22, 1999,.... a precious daughter in October of 2000,.... another miscarriage on June 3, 2001...., another precious daughter in March of 2002, another daughter July of 2003, another daughter in June of 2005,....an ectopic pregnancy that left me with one ovary and tube on August 4, 2006..., and now we are expecting another baby in September.
Throughout almost 11 years of marriage we have moved 4 times. Our 3rd move, moving us about 1000 miles from ALL family (for a job). It is difficult to not have my mother here, but it has been a good learning experience for me.
My Struggles
As a Christian, a wife and a mother of many trades, I have a great many struggles.
~I struggle with perfectionism, I want things perfect when I am having company over, especially my in laws. The ongoing joke around here (that my husband tells) is that his mother gives the white glove a white glove test! As I have written before, I can't have things perfect, not with 6 (going on 7) children. I have had to let go of some of the expectations that I have set for myself. I know that I have always said that I won't let what others think of me or say about me bother me, but I am bothered when a close family member doesn't accept my inability to be organized like them.
~I struggle with being even-tempered with my children, especially when I am a hormonal pregnant lady! I yell, and I have to ask forgiveness. I get angry, and I have to ask forgiveness.
I am always asking the forgiveness of my children.
~If you haven't figured it out yet, I am NOT a calm individual. I am the high-strung yappy dog that jumps up and down! Although I am not a dog lover, I am dog tolerant. When I am under pressure to get things cleaned up for company, I am nervous, irritable and running circles around everybody! I am high energy...when put under pressure.
~I am stubborn. I love to sew and often will make something for someone at the last minute. I will stay up until it is done. It is a pet peeve of my husband's, but he has accepted it somewhat...he does the very same thing with his job.
~I try to be submissive to my husband. I am NOT by any means perfect in this area, but I hold a high regard for honoring our husbands, they are the head of us just as Christ is the head of the church. I love my husband very much, and I will try to do what he asks even if it didn't set well with me when he first asked...I know that I need to change my attitude, so by God's grace and help, I do.
~I struggle in the area of keeping things clean all the time, I can't do it. I have tried. I was successful for a few years (before I had six children) and after my 5th child was born, I was no longer able to keep up. I want to be a good steward, I want to have a clean and tidy house, but it only stays clean for a while...so I must work on maintaining.
~I love to sew, like I said before. I am a creative person and I go through these spells where I must sew myself or someone else a new garment. I know this is not the "season of life" to sew, but I have to sometimes. It calms and relaxes me, and when I am unsuccessful in all other areas of life, I am successful in sewing.
~I love being pregnant! Even though pregnancy leaves me fatigued and sometimes in pain...I get those horrible round ligament pains that last for about 45 minutes. Labor is even better than pregnancy, not only is there a little gift at the end, but it is exhilarating for me. I want to have as many children as God will give us, although I struggle in the area of parenting, I LOVE my children!!!
~ I refuse to say negative things about others that might hurt them. I know how it feels. Even if I am down, I will never, ever go public with negative feelings. That's just not me. I am blunt, but I try to my best ability to be lovingly blunt.
~I am not perfect. I have the same negative feelings that others have. I struggle with sin, and I am constantly praying for forgiveness. I don't keep a perfect house, and I don't eat the perfect diet. I try to stay thin and attractive to my husband, but I am not one who gets sickly looking, or extremely thin. But, I am human and I am covered by the blood of Jesus Christ.
So there you have it, a little or a LOT about me...depends if you see the cup half empty or half full!
Have a blessed day!
Heather
Yes, your are seeing two different LEFT shoes and pajama pants under her dress.
And, lastly...Today is my birthday! I am celebrating 34 years today. I am very thankful for each and every year that the good LORD has given me. I was born on my grandmother's birthday, 34 years ago and each year I think of her as I celebrate my birthday without her. She was a victim of cancer in 1992, but my memories still bring me joy!
